A despair
by poisonnwine
Summary: After Spencer finds out Toby is A thoughts.


What she had learned that past afternoon, she couldn't even register it. _It didn't make sense, it couldn't be true. _That's what she thought when she found texts on his phone suggesting he was on the A team. Plans, as if it was_ their_ plans. Not just Mona bossing him around. Then she talked with Toby, and she couldn't even remember what has happened. She had fainted when he said it was true, surprisingly she didn't end up dead somewhere. _Surprisingly. Ha. _She didn't give him much time to say anything, she wasn't scared, she just couldn't. She wasn't scared of him, it was _Toby. Her safe place to land._ She was supposed to be scared of him? Well she didn't run out of his loft because she was scared, but because she was beyond disgusted and pissed. Her rage uprising by the second. Through her screams at him, she could barley even hear her own self, it was like an out of body experience. Like her whole world was slowing down, as her rage turned the corner to despair. She could hear his faint words pleading, yelling, begging her to listen for a mere second, that their was more to the story. But would that matter? Whatever, his motive, he was still on the A-team. She had thought about it. A lot. She hadn't got one second of sleep that night, because he haunted her. It was like she was in some night mare. She had a lot of time to think, of the possibilities. But, what was the point of returning one of his hundreds of calls, listening to whatever shit he had to say. Why should she believe whatever he has to say? It wouldn't change what he had done. Now, Spencer was in the stage, the longest stage, of depression. She had skipped school, her parents not even home to realize, and simply just laid in her bed, crying, staring into nothing, thinking about him. She never had felt so betrayed, so discouraged_, so depressed. _Her friends were most likely worried, but Spencer had chucked her phone at the wall by Toby's twenty third call, forty-seventh text, and tenth voice mail. Maybe they thought she had died, she sure felt dead. She didn't even know how long passed by, but the tears finally stopped for awhile. But her eyes were full of sorrow, and despair, and hopelessness. She was in such a trance that she hadn't even heard the footsteps running up her stairs, and now her friends running up to her.

All looked beyond worried, Aria crouched down to her eye level. But Spencer made no eye contact with her. It was like she didn't even acknowledge their presence. Emily, and Hanna to came closer, and Emily sat at the end of her bed her concerned blue eyes glued on Spencer. "Spence," Aria said hesitantly. No response. Not even a blink.

"Spencer, are you okay?" Emily asked furrowing her eyes.

"Spencer, you missed three classes, you never miss anything." Hanna said apprehensively. Still nothing.

"Spencer," Aria yelled concerningly, shaking her lightly. Spencer reverted her eyes on Aria, and shifted her eyes to her other two concerned friends too. She let out a small whimper, at an attempt to talk.

"What happened?"

She gulped, and with what seemed like all her strength pushed her self up into a sitting position hugging her knees, shivering. Hanna scooted closer, and Aria sat on the bed too wrapping an arm around her distraught friend, as Hanna sat down too at the end of the bed. "Toby-" She whimpered softly, but she couldn't do it. She bursted into tears yet again, and couldn't help it. She felt so helpless and vulnerable. Emily took her hand, her eyes full of sorrow , and Spencer looked at her sadly. "Toby's-" She wailed, "He's A."

None of them said anything, but Spencer let out another sob of tears, as she felt her whole body shake and she let her self fall into the warm arms of her friends, she didn't even know who at the time, but Emily was now swaying her back and forth, while Aria put a comforting hand on her back, and Hanna scooted closer joining the group hug. None of them even knew what was going on. Toby, A? That wasn't even possible.

Emily was at a loss for words, surely Spencer wasn't rite...right?

"Spencer, what happened?" Aria said after Spencer seemed to calm her self down, Spencer sat up a little, leaving Emily's embrace and her eyes weren't set on any one, but they just seemed gone, far away.

"I-" She swallowed her tears. "He had some texts from Mona, and plans. and-" She chocked.

"Maybe it was a mista-" Aria tried.

"No," She said bitterly. "I asked him about, he didn't- He admitted to it." She said.

"Spencer," Hanna soothed coming close to her, past Emily and hugging her distraught friend once again. She didn't know what _this, _felt like but she did have an idea of it.

"What else did he-" Aria began, but Hanna shot a her a glare, and Aria got the message. Questions later, comforting now.


End file.
